Sunday, May 8, 2016

My Mother's Day Misconceptions VS REALITY


I'd like to take a moment to give a huge shout out to all the mothers all over the world. I salute you on your service to raising our future generations. They say Motherhood is one of the most thankless roles a person can take on. Every day should be Mother's day when you find yourself lucky enough to be a Mother in whatever Motherly role you occupy in life.

{Back Story: Mothers day has only been around since like 1914. Some lady had to petition for the day to even be a day. Yet mothers have been around since the beginning of time when life forms required birthing from vaginas. }

I'm currently laughing so hard at the thought that everyday should be mothers day... tears are running down my face.

I am sure I have some MAJOR misconceptions on this particular holiday.  My idea of "Mothers Day" is so extremely different to what mothers day really is.

Being a mother, in my opinion, is a 24 hour a day 365 days a year job from the moment you conceive (or adopt or find or however you came to be a mother, I know not all mothers get to Motherhood on the exact same road) until you die. Unless you are lucky enough to be divorced then hopefully you get every other weekend off and a few Tuesdays throughout the year!

I personally think that all Mothers should be divorced Mothers cause those "kid free" weekends are truly bliss. Though, I must say a couple of mine have been interrupted,and I've had to turn down the Destiny's Child and be a Mother even on my days off.

One time, after Hunter had headed off to his Dads for the night, I may or may not of enjoyed a bottle of wine in the bath. I was feeling tipsy, it's my one night in like forever to myself and I got a deep cleansing pore face mask on, Beyonce is singing I'm a survivor in the back ground as I paint my toes and sing along. Then I hear the ever familiar sound of my phone Chim Chimming away, its Hunter, of course.

My first thought is "you are kidding me right now, it's only been two fucking hours!"
I give it one last ring, contemplating just pretending like I didn't hear the phone. But, my Mom instinct kicks in and I have no choice but to answer because what if he is hurt, what if something is horribly wrong, someone better be fucking dead to be interrupting mine and Beyonce's girls night, so I answer.

"Hey is everything ok??!!"I ask with great concern.

"yeahhhhhhhhhhhh" Hunter replies emphases on the h at the end of yeah, "mom I need you to do me a solid."

Hunter only asks for me to do him a solid when he needs me to do something that he knows I don't want to do but will end up doing cause I'm a sucker. So instantly my drunken ass is not impressed. My good mood has come to a close, I've turned off the music, Beyonce has left the building, and my deep pore cleansing mud mask is all over my phone screen.

"What?" I reply with such loathing that you could of felt my inconvenience around the world that day.

"I forgot my ps4 controller do you think you could meet me with it?"

Well, that pretty much ended my fun night right there. Drunk, happy Amanda turned back into Mom even though it was her day off and she had scheduled a trip out of her mind and wasn't planing on being called in to work.

Point of my story there are really no days off if you are a mother.

I digressed so far I forgot where I was going.........Being a mother is a full time, every day job. And it really doesn't matter how old your kids get whether they are 5 or 55 they are always gonna be your kids and you will always be a Mother. And I don't know about the rest of the world but, I'd be lost with out my Mother. She is someone I can always count on and depend on to be there by my side though whatever it is life tosses my way. She loves me unconditionally and I am almost 40 and sometimes I still need my Mom to put her Mom hat on and Mother. So the job never really is over.

I am not entirely sure where my misconstrued ideas of Mothers day come from. I can only imagine it stems from my creative imagination, I've been told many times in my life I'm a day dreamer and I've been accused on more then one occasion of living in a pretty little place called "AMANDA LAND" I don't deny that from time to time my ideas are slightly more romanticized then the regular persons.

This is how I imagine Mothers day SHOULD be;

Children bring the mother breakfast in bed. Children are sweet and wonderful and clean and innocent (did I mention overly sweet). They jump on the fluffy white bed and giggle, smile then leave so the mother can eat her gourmet breakfast in peace and quiet and enjoy her day. (The one day I am assuming she gets to spend not being a mother.) Mother {after enjoying said breakfast, and dressing } emerges from bedroom renewed and refreshed and dressed in a flowing white sun dress and wide brimmed sun hat, to find a sparkly clean house and not another soul in site expect for the cat.
"Oh look!" there is a present sitting on the table next to some flowers with a card that says MOM in cute innocent hand writing. Inside the beautifully warped gift box is a week away to a deserted island beach spa where no one knows your name is Mom and you look over at the doorway cause something has caught your eye and its your suit cases packed and ready. Off in the distance you hear a noise, was that a horn I just heard beeping???? BEEP BEEP!! A car waiting in the driveway to take you to the airport and whisk you away to your Holiday destination.

But, this is the actual reality of Mothers day at my house. I've had 23 and I do believe I cried my eyes out at least 19 of them and we aren't talking tears of joy!

Is that those fucking assholes bickering in my kitchen at 7:30 in the morning on a Sunday?!?!?!?! Tell me this isn't happening|!!! I mumble rhetorical questions to no one as I get out of bed and grab my house coat. One of many I own, then I wonder "why on earth do I have all these fucking house coats?" I make a mental note to self to get rid of them! No one needs that many fucking house coats! I Emerge from bedroom looking where I step for dinky cars and pieces of lego. I'm frustrated and tired, messy hair and morning breath. WTF seriously!? What are you guys doing? Oh my god! Is that egg on the ceiling? No you don't do it that way. Why is the fucking cat in the fridge??? You're kidding me right? It's 7 fucking thirty in the morning. No! I'm not making breakfast it's Mothers Day. This was the stupidest idea ever! Seriously get out of my kitchen. Fine I'll make it! Just go sit down. No I don't need help!!!! I make breakfast while cleaning kitchen. I eat a piece of burnt toast no one wanted. I clean up after breakfast. {Present Time} I open present and let out an Oscar award winning expression of utter joy. "Wow another housecoat! Its so pretty! Yes, you are right I don't have a pretty pink flowered one like this. Man I'm a really lucky mom." Big kisses and hugs for my overly creative gift giving children. I go into my room and hang my brand new housecoat next to the 8 other house coats I own and I am thankful, as I cry myself silly, that at least I didn't get a mop again this year.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY



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